Dream big. Dream without fear.

This is MY year(s) of big risks and big rewards, and of me standing up for myself and my happiness. Feel free to join in my journey.

(Have questions? Press the ask button or email strawberrykiwilife@gmail.com)

I’ve been really stressed with my sister’s wedding stuff lately. Luckily, work hasn’t been too bad. But with last weekend’s stress and the family wedding planning stress, a little bit of work stress really ramped all the anxiety up today.

Then my boyfriend made some joke related to Tinder (Britney Spears is on Tinder now so he jokingly asked me if he could sign up again). And it would be a funny joke any other day because he was clearly not serious, but today, it wasn’t what I needed.

I don’t really know what is causing the foul mood. My boyfriend has been great. Got the prosecco for my sister’s engagement dinner. Ordered the flowers yesterday - even though it was really stressful.

I’m just not in a good mood. Its like how that Mandy Moore song goes. I just need a few days down.

I didn’t think I would feel this way once I moved to New York. Its been a dream to move here for so long and I was hard on myself for wanting to move back home.

But its not necessarily that state I miss. Its the man I’m in love with.

Granted, I miss a lot about home. The amenities, the cost of living, the space, and so much more. But there is a lot that I love about New York too. The excitement, the lack of driving, the energy, the restaurants and bars, the vibrancy. 

Part of this that I’m feeling right now is about growing pains. Part of it is that New York is never going to feel like home until he moves here with me. Home is where the heart is and he is holding my heart. A thousand miles away.

Found a bar that surpasses all NYC bars I’ve been to. Favorite bar in this city. Called Maysville. Bartender is super friendly. The bourbon cocktails are AMAZING. And their food is delicious. I ordered the crispy grits. Ummm, after one bite, I was sold. If there is a lifetime membership, sign me up.

Yes I did. Felt pretty proud of myself. It shaved off a few hundred calories and then I consumed probably a thousand calories at Coney Island.

The calories included delicious beer, lobster rolls, and clams on the half shell.

Worth it.

Despite getting home from drinks last night before 1am, I didn’t go to sleep until after 2am. Whoops.

I slept til almost 11 and my friends want to do something at 2. So I’m trying to convince myself I need to workout now. I’m almost there, but I am in bed and still sleepy. Ugh. Just get out of bed, Tiffany.

Granted, it was at least $20-30 more expensive than my hometown farmer’s market (largest farmer’s market in the region and absolutely phenomenal), but it was probably much less expensive and time consuming than trying to get all those ingredients from greenmarkets here.

AND I was really proud of myself because I resisted all urges for cheese, cookies, pastries/breads, and unnecessary fatty ingredients.

I did treat myself to a pound of split peas and a pound of quinoa. Going to try to make split pea soup. But without celery because I generally don’t like eating celery.

Even when I have to go awhile without a workout, usually I can just do a little less than the last strong streak. I usually do 90 second running intervals at a pace faster than my jog pace. I increase my pace over time and the number of intervals.

Last week I had a GREAT workout and I’m not entirely sure why. I hadn’t worked out in a couple weeks. But I’m pretty sure I spaced my workout perfectly in between meals and got myself revved up and motivated.

I didn’t get to work out for a week and a half. Last week, I pushed myself really hard and needed a break to rest. By the time I recovered, I started working really late hours helping a high profile project team at work reach its deadline.

10 days pass and I had some uncomfortable conversations about my failing self body image perception with my boyfriend.

So I motivate myself to get back to the gym. 

I set a goal of 12 “sprints” and I realize 3 sprints in that my body is crashing. Usually I play mind tricks with myself to get myself to that goal, but I realized very early on that I am not getting to 12. A few sprints in and I had to pause my workout to prevent myself from collapsing. The physical pressure on my skull was overwhelming. 

I got myself to take longer walking breaks between sprints than I have in months, maybe even a year. I pushed myself and dug deep to find 10 sprints in me and then walked a slow pace the rest of my distance goal. The pressure would return even when I would raise the walking pace over 2.5 mph, so I ended up walking the rest of the distance at that pace.

It was awful. I guess we all have our off days. And my boyfriend pointed out that every little bit helps and I got out there when a lot of people didn’t.

Still, pep talk aside, I feel disheartened. At least I’ll get a workout from cleaning my apartment. It needs some serious cleaning.

Tomorrow is a new day.

One in white for my future wedding dress?

My sister and her fiancé are going to the courthouse to get married in 2 weeks. It’ll be a family reunion type of day. My mother told me today she included my boyfriend in the dinner reservation. 

I was grateful and thankful that she would include him as if he’s family. I cautiously asked him if he would be open to going, giving him the breakdown of all that will be in attendance. Grandparents, aunts, uncle, great-aunt… everyone.

He said he’d love to go and meet my relatives.

The way he embraced it without fear or hesitation just made me fall in love even more.